Ayurnamat (Inuit): a • yurn • a • mat
Noun; the philosophy that there is no point in worrying about events that cannot be changed.
(Magnolia flower sketch; often symbolizing nobility, magnificence, and femininity)
Have you ever been that person in a group that is usually bypassed, somewhat ignored? I definitely know I have.
Even within a group of people that have accepted you, befriended you, even like you! You just sit in those groups and this terrible realization sometimes occurs: you could leave the group right now, and the conversation will still go on, oblivious to your presence. Or, have you ever been that person in a group, you tell a story that you thought was worth telling and giggling about, but suddenly you fade out because nobody is listening? Their phones have become more a priority, or they’re talking to others over you. In most social groups, I’m that person.
It sucks, I’m not going to lie. The person who usually gets screened. Conversations that involve a sort of one-sided exchange, where you help the person in some way, and that’s all you become to them after: somebody to get compliments from, somebody that’ll help with homework, somebody that becomes your semi-therapist to vent about every single issue they have to you. It hurts the most when they can’t return the same exchange: they won’t allow you to unravel the low feelings you have, and worst case scenario: they turn the problem on themselves. These situations have happened to me frequently, but I always want to be optimistic about the people. It’s difficult at times. It can hurt the heart, even though it’s not romantic. Platonic heartache?
At the same time, I suppose I can blame myself for having myself in these situations with these types of people: I shouldn’t have been as kind, shouldn’t have given them more chances as I wanted to believe that they could be an equal friend. I know that now, thankfully. I’m lucky enough to have found a few people to keep close to my heart, who help to better the world instead of leaving a negative imprint.
And looking back, I hate the fact that I may have overlooked the person with a story that wasn’t heard during group situations. I can’t change what I’ve done before, but knowing how it feels, I want to avoid doing that to anybody. I hope others will follow suit; create equality between you and your friends. Fretting over bad decisions you made in the past doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or that you will continue to do those things in the future. I know we hear that a lot, but sometimes we unconsciously think that about ourselves (at least, I know I have). Accept the past, and keep going, I mean that’s all we can really do right?
If you relate to anything I’ve written, I just want to say that you truly don’t deserve an unfair friendship with anyone, and deserve friends, even lovers, that will sing with you at 1AM at your highs, and hug you with your favourite treats during your lows. Put yourself out there among interesting people, because you never know what kind of cool friendships or sensational relationships await you. I hope you have a great day, and possibly meet people that brighten up your life. 🙂
Want to read more about magnolias (I just really think the name is cool):